Cancer Update – Setback? – 1.3.12

We had my 2-month check-up at the Duke Eye Center today.  It was the first time that we didn’t have an hours-long wait in the waiting room before seeing Dr. Mruthyunjaya.  We had just settled in with our magazines, Kindle, books, crossword puzzles, snacks, etc when I was called in for the preliminary check-up and photos of my eye.  My vision has improved a little since the Oct. appt; the pressure was good in both eyes, and Dr. M said that my retina is still attached and looks good.  But though there had been no progression in the growth of the tumor, there had also not been the hoped-for shrinkage.  He mentioned that if the laser treatment I had in the summer had not resulted in the hole in my retina, that he would have repeated the laser procedure by now in order to cause more regression of the tumor.  He has not been able to take that route because of the detached retina and the surgery to repair it.

We will have to continue to observe the tumor – he won’t do the surgery to remove the silicone oil until there has been some shrinkage.  In the case that there is a reactivation of the tumor or any progression, then there is the possibility that the radiation plaque therapy would have to be repeated (this is the procedure that was done in March 2011 that involved 2 surgeries and a 5-day hospital stay).  The other option would still be to remove the eye.  We have another appointment in 2 months to check on the progress of the tumor.

We are obviously praying that the tumor will shrink, but we have great confidence in God’s perfect and sovereign will for our lives.   We ask for your prayers that God would give us grace for His plan for us; we are so thankful for your continued care and support.

Cancer Appointment 12/30/11 (Providence)

Hi everyone, its time for an update.  We head off tomorrow morning for the Cary office of Dr. Mruthyunjaya.  This is the first appointment in two months.  Things seem steady on this end, but the appointment will tell the status of the tumor, retina and prospects of another surgery in 2012.  I am reminded that one of the doctors told us back in February that we were getting ready to start out on a long road.  It has been that, but with less travel in recent months.

I continue my reading of Thomas Watson’s book All Things for Good.  Here is a highlight that helped me.

“If all things work for good, therefore we must learn that there is a providence (the word means “to see before”).  Things do not work of themselves, but God sets them working for good.  God is the great Disposer of all events and issues.  He sets everything working.  ‘His kingdom rules over all’ (Psalm 103:19).  It is meant His providential kingdom.  Things in the world are not governed by second causes (i.e. governments, in-laws, outlaws, bosses, teachers or even Supreme Court justices), by the counsels of men, by the stars or planets, but by divine providence…There are three things in providence: God’s foreknowing, God’s determining, and God’s directing all things to their periods and events.  Whatever things do work in the world, God sets them a working. We read in the first chapter of Ezekiel of wheels, and eyes in the wheels, and the moving of the wheels.  The wheels are the whole universe, the eyes in the wheels are God’s providence, the moving of the wheels is the hand of Providence, turning all things here below.  That which is by some called chance (or luck) is nothing else but the result of providence.”

It’s comforting for me to know that my current state or what may come after it are all a part of God’s providence.  A Big God governs our big universe and watches over small hearts like mine.

Cancer and All Things for Good

There is no new news on my cancer situation, still waiting for a December 30 appointment to see where we are now and for 2012.  Prayers are appreciated.  All Things for Good is a book by the Puritan, Thomas Watson.  The book is based on Romans 8:28,29 and here is a section that was a blessing to me.

“Job was a spectacle of misery; he lost all that he ever had; he abounded only in boils and ulcers.  This was sad; but it was brought about for his good, his grace was proved and improved.  God gave a testimony from heaven of Job’s integrity, and compensated his loss by giving him twice as much as he had before (Job 21:10).  Paul was afflicted with blindness at his conversion.  This was uncomfortable, but it turned to his good.  By that blindness God made a way for the light of grace to shine into his soul; it was the beginning of a happy conversion (Acts 9:6).  As the hard frosts in winter bring on the flowers in the spring, and as the night ushers in the morning-star, so the evils of affliction produce much good to those who love God…A sick-bed often teaches more than a sermon.  We can best see the form of our own sin in the mirror of affliction.  Affliction teaches us to know ourselves.  In prosperity we are for the most part strangers to ourselves.”

I have to say “Amen” to that.  God has so richly blessed us in and through my cancer.  I’m more familiar with myself these days – and more familiar with Christ and His gospel of grace.

Cancer Update 11.29.11

Holiday Greetings!  Its been quite a while and this is a sort of mid-point update.  Our last appointment was back in October and the next one is December 30, so we are half way there.  The latest eye news is good – no change.  Hopefully the next appointment will verify that and perhaps provide some news on the next surgery – if all goes well.

Cancer Update – 10.28.11

Yesterday was our most recent visit to the Duke Eye Center.  We were at the Cary location and had an encouraging visit with Dr. Mruthyunjaya.  Scar tissue has not increased and the tumor is still inactive, perhaps a bit smaller than last time.  The retina remains attached.  Eyesight has improved a little each visit.  The silicone oil that is presently in the eye limits vision to a degree and that will be resolved with a surgery in 2012. Dr. M scheduled our next appointment for December 30.  That gives us a nice long two months without a drive over there and time to enjoy the holidays before our next visit.  Thanks so much for your continued prayers.  My sense is that God has provided you to help carry us through this process.

Thoughts on heaven I mentioned last time…

Isaiah 25:6-9 (NASB95)
⁶ The Lord of hosts will prepare a lavish banquet for all peoples on this mountain; A banquet of aged wine, choice pieces with marrow, And refined, aged wine. ⁷ And on this mountain He will swallow up the covering which is over all peoples, Even the veil which is stretched over all nations. ⁸ He will swallow up death for all time, And the Lord God will wipe tears away from all faces, And He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth; For the Lord has spoken. ⁹ And it will be said in that day, “Behold, this is our God for whom we have waited that He might save us. This is the Lord for whom we have waited; Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation.”

Heaven is a real place.  The Apostle Paul who was allowed to visit there (2 Corinthians 12:1-4). Consider that there are things in that region of which “man is not permitted to speak.”  That seems to indicate that the glory of heaven is so great – the full knowledge of it would dim any appreciation for this life.  One Puritan writer described it well in saying that heaven is like an ocean with “no bank and no bottom” – that means, no boundary whatsoever.  Someone else has said that this life is our “only opportunity to suffer.”  The next life will be full and free of all pain and suffering.  Suffering brings us to a point of limiting out delight in this life and focusing our hearts on the next life.

Cancer Update – 10.5.11

Hi and thanks to all who have been following the cancer journey.  Here is a bit of an update.  We went back to see Dr. Mruthyunjaya at his Cary office on September 29.  He mentioned the following:  the tumor is stable and inactive, my sight in the affected eye has improved, the current concern is the development of scar tissue in the eye, that would negatively impact my eyesight in that eye, and no rush on the next surgery as he lets the eye heal and the retina settle in.  The next surgery will probably be in 2012.  Its purpose is to the remove the oil that was placed in the eye to stabilize the retina and to allow for the natural fluid to be restored.  The oil makes seeing difficult, so the change holds out the hope of further clarity in vision in that eye.

Susan and I are doing well.  The return to normal life has brought its challenges.  The closeness that was enforced by cancer treatment, must be enforced now by a lot of individual choices.  The need for the help of the Spirit of grace never lets up.  We needed a special sort  of grace  for dealing with surgeries and travel.  Now the daily kind will do us fine, as long as we seek it.  Trials do have blessings in that they raise our motivation.   Day-to-day life requires a bit more concentration on the process.

Other thoughts:  You’ll recall my clear scans from September…I was reminded the other day from a fellow cancer patient who is beginning a second encounter with the disease – “Once a cancer patient, always a cancer patient.”  The absence of treatments and even clear scans do not guarantee things are done.  As I was thinking about that conversation, I was reminded of a little article I wrote about heaven during my treatment time.  I went back and read it and felt a twinge of regret that I haven’t been thinking that way recently.  I’ll include it in the next blog.  All that to say, like one of the Psalms says, “Troubles draw near, but You are near.”  I don’t miss the treatments but I don’t want to miss the closeness of God.  So, I’ll keep remembering, life is short, God is real, heaven is coming.

Cancer Update – 9.15.11

Many of you have already heard, but the good news is that chest and liver scans from last week came back CLEAR!  Now we are into a new phase of our journey.  Cancer life brings with it a more pressing need for God than regular life.  As a result, there has been some adjusting back to a more disciplined choice to walk with God.  The next step in the process is a visit to Dr. M on Thursday, September 29.  That is a routine check up as far as we can tell.  The status of my eye is: a) I’m seeing again, not clearly, but somewhat.  Dr. M was encouraged with some sight as that was an indicator that it would improve in time. b) I will have another surgery to replace the artifical fluid in my eye.  That will make way for restoring the natural fluid and should make for vision improvement.  Dr. M said it would be “months” before that surgery. c)  There is no rush on the surgery because the current fluid serves to keep the retina in place.  So, with clear scans and nothing big on the horizon, we are able to gather ourselves for a while.

A recent encouragement came from preparing to teach adult Sunday school last week.  The text was as follows

⁵ “When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. ⁶“But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. ⁷ “And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words.  ⁸ “So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.

One thing I learned (the hard way) from this is: 1) Our public life should be conducted to please and glorify God. 2)  Our “secret” life (of prayer) is the basis for the right kind of public life. 3) Failure (dropping the ball in relationships, stumbling of our own doing spiritually) in public life is (often) due to neglect of the “secret” life.  So, while the weight of cancer demanded a lot of prayer.  Normal life needs it as much, it’s just the demand isn’t always so clear.  Listening times with God seem to be the best application of this lesson.

Sunday morning at 9:30 in the choir room – the next lesson from the Lord’s Prayer – Our Father in Heaven.

Cancer Update – Surgery Results – 9.2.11

Greetings to all those who have prayed  and expressed concern.  Here is the latest word on our cancer journey. A lot has happened since my last update.   All of the surgery elements were done and the prognosis was that there could be some recovery of sight over the next six months to a year – if things went as planned.   Today we went to Dr. M’s Cary office and he indicated that the retina is reattached.  I can read the top line of the eye chart – which may not sound like much.  Dr. M. indicated that this was encouraging and that since there was some sight, there could be more improvement – though no promises of anywhere near perfect restoration.

Last week was a hard week with lots of time taken to recover.  Both Susan and I felt a great load lifted as we got this news and that our next appointment is 4 weeks away.  Also, I asked Dr. M. about additional surgery to restore the natural eye fluid (I have a temporary synthetic fluid in now).  He said that would be “months away.”  Our journey has been one medical issue after another, it seems.  This provides us with some time to relax.  There is one other item on the horizon this coming week.  That is my 6 month chest x-ray and a liver scan to check for cancer on the loose.  Please pray for us as we wait on word from that.

On the spiritual side of things, we didn’t know this morning what news we would face, good or bad.  God spoke to my heart in preparation for today from Psalm 44:4 from the ESV.

“You are my King, O God; ordain salvation for Jacob.”

What I observed is that God as King is “ruler over all;”  the One who ordains is “sovereign in ordering the events of life;” and the One who ordains salvation does so in this context as “an intervention in life.”  As I prayed over these ideas a simple thought came to me.  I don’t mean it to sound trite, it’s just what came to my mind.  “This moment is brought to you by God, ruler, sovereign, Savior over all.”  When it first came to mind it was a focus on the brief quiet moment I had before we rushed off to make our appointment.  As we drove, I drew on this -  that I had those moments before the uncertainty of my newest diagnosis.  God the ruler, sovereign, Savior ordained His intervention (salvation) today.

So, I’m resting and relieved tonight, but will need this again on Wednesday/Thursday to wait on the word from the scans.  Remember, our moments, easy or hard are brought to us by God, ruler, sovereign, Savior.  Keep us in your prayers.

Cancer Update – Surgery Today – 8.24.11

Good Morning.  It is surgery day and I was strengthened this morning by the thought of your faithful prayers for us.  Thank you very much for your concern.  Susan and I are headed to Duke today for an early afternoon surgery.  Please pray for Dr. Mruthyunjaya for physical strength (I’m probably second or third surgery of the day – imagine the stress on the physician), sharp eyes (to find everything he needs to see in my eye repair job) and skill-filled hands (to get done what and only what he intends to do).  His “to do” list includes:  repair retina, reattach retina, remove and replace eye fluid and install scleral buckle.

I’m reading the book of 2 Chronicles these days and here is the strong encouragement from the middle chapters.

2 Chronicles 16:9 (NASB95)
9 “For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His”

2 Chronicles 15:7 (NASB95)
7 “But you, be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work.”

2 Chronicles 15:2 (NASB95)
2 and he went out to meet Asa and said to him, “Listen to me, Asa, and all Judah and Benjamin: the Lord is with you when you are with Him. And if you seek Him, He will let you find Him; but if you forsake Him, He will forsake you.

Staying close to God, taking courage from God, yielding our hearts to God for His outcome.

Cancer Update 8.17.11

Susan and I were at the Duke Eye Center most of the day on Tuesday.  The vision in my left eye has not improved, but the ultrasound of my eye showed that my tumor has decreased and returned to its original size after some increase in earlier treatments.  This indicates that the laser treatment that I had in June is having the desired effect.  Dr. Mruthyunjaya said that the tumor appears to be inactive, so he wants to go ahead with surgery on Aug 24th to repair my retinal detachment.  He said that the return of any vision is not predictable and that it may take up to a year to know what that outcome will be.

However, his main concern is to keep the eye itself as healthy as possible – more damage to the eye can occur if the retinal detachment is not repaired.  The longer the retina is detached, the harder it will be to obtain a successful reattachment.   So, we’ll be headed to Duke on Tuesday 23rd for a pre-op appointment, on Wednesday for the 2-hour out-patient surgery, and then back on Thursday for a post-op examination.

On the heart front, God continues to work in us in a big way through the cancer journey.  Periodically I try and read through the Old Testament and in so doing recently found myself starting the book of Ezekiel.  Ezekiel is a complicated book of prophecy with lots of imagery that is vivid at some points and just plain mysterious in others.  One place it is clear is in chapter 16.  There, God likens Jerusalem (or the nation of Israel or even us) to a baby born and cast out in a field – abandoned.  The story is a graphic picture of the helplessness of the child that is taken by God, cleaned up, cared for and grown up.  She grows into a beautiful young lady, but turns away from God in immorality.

Verse 14 really spoke to me recently, “Then your fame went forth among the nations on account of your beauty, for it was perfect BECAUSE of My splendor which I bestowed on you, declares the Lord.”  What really struck me in reading that is that, as a Christian, God bestowed His splendor on me in salvation when I was hopeless and helpless.  I contributed nothing and God gave all.  Then He bestowed His splendor on me in giving me spiritual gifts for the benefit of His Church.  Also, God gave the gifts, they are a reflection of Him not me.  The impact on me was to realize that those two truths mean that my whole task in life is to display God’s splendor.  Its not about success or acclaim its about God and His will.  In other words, God is everything and I am nothing.  That’s not to say that we are worthless, but everything is from God and through God and to God as Romans 11:36 says.

“For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen. ” (Romans 11:36, NIV)

We’re so thankful for your continued prayers.  It is a good thing that I can have the surgery, and that the risk for the spread of cancer has decreased with the shrinking of the tumor and its apparent inactivity.

God is granting us great grace for the journey and we’ll be forever grateful for your support and kindnesses to us.